Been Awhile

Well... guess I failed to follow thru with my plan to follow our Deployment journals from last year on here. Life happened and I got sidetracked, I also think that emotionally I wasn't ready to really relive it all. I was asked recently why I stopped blogging on here. My easy answer was that by the time my day is over and I've completed all the homework for my numerous online classes, my brain is fried and just wants to turn off. The more complex answer being that some of what I want to write people won't want to hear, and with where my life is at right now it would primarily be negative. I don't want to be that person, always negative. I lately feel as if the number of friends I had last year at this time was 10x what I have right now. I feel like because of everything we have gone thru in the last year, I'm always in a negative place or have some type of problem, and because of that, no one wants to be friends with me anymore. Right now there is only one person that I really feel comfortable calling and opening up too. I feel that I can't do that with others because they all have things going on in their lives.

Speaking of things going on in their lives.... That is another big dividing factor for me. I don't feel as if I belong anywhere. After everything I did last year, even after Shawn was injured, 3/5 has no use for me anymore since he won't be deploying w/ them next fall. LINKS has completely changed and I don't feel as if I belong there anymore. All of my 'friends' have things going on, their lives are changing and going places. Meanwhile Shawn and I get to sit here knowing nothing about our future. We are in limbo, floating around out here by ourselves while everyone else just keeps speeding on by in their busy lives. It makes me angry, sad and depressed. I just want the Marine Corps to step up and actually take care of their Wounded Marine. I can't help but think that maybe if his injuries had been worse, if he wasn't granted this miracle, we would have been taken care of better. But there's no middle ground when you're talking about 80 lbs of explosives. It was either complete malfunction and life or total detonation and death for him and many others. I hate seeing the lack of support he gets from his friends, family, the Marine Corps.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm at the end of my thread and its fraying fast.