And so it has begun, I've started the deployment cycle of emotions (if you don't know what that is please contact me for the next LINKS session! haha). I have countdown's on my computer desktop, which is really kind of sadistic if you think about it. Here's something thats coming that I want to keep pushing back but I'm counting down the days, why do I torture myself?
Today we spent the morning at the indoor play place called playwerks in Carlsbad. Shawn invited his buddy to go w/ to chase Madelynn thru the tunnels, fantastic for me cause that means I can sit on the couches, not get sweaty and take cute pictures whenever the opportunity presents itself. But now we are home, and they are playing Mario Cart...whooohoo!! Did he not see my facebook status saying we only have 10 weekends together? For gosh sakes, Madelynn is napping right now, we could be doing so many better things then playing Mario Kart... like... giving me a back massage! since I will soon be deprived of them (please note that most of this is my sarcastic funny side, and I'm not really all that upset that his friend is here, or that he's not slaving away over my poor achy back muscles! =))
So now I've decided that I'm going to go get a pedicure since he is otherwise occupied, then I will use them as babysitters and have some peace and quiet while being pampered (yet I still sit here typing this blog). Except I am going to go ahead and continue to punish myself because after going on the Barnes n Nobles website, and looking up some great books about being involved w/ a military man and going thru a deployment, I am going to take my book "while he's away" that I can't get thru chapter 2 of w/o crying w/ me to get my pedicure.
This is my sick and twisted way of torturing myself and facing reality. Toughening me up you can say for when it actually happens. And see this all backfires cause then I act all tough when I say goodbye to him, watch him walk away while staying strong, just so I can sob into my steering wheel and wonder if I remembered to tell him I loved him before he left. (or at least thats what I did when he left for a MONTH for Korea.... what a wuss)
This is not my first deployment, I'm not a boot, to use one of Shawn's favorite words! haha. But it is my first one w/ a child, which I don't know why that should matter, cause I did the first eight months on my own, so now I'm thinking I'm just super super spoiled cause I've had help for the last year and I don't wanna go back to being a single parent!!!!!!! Ok really...I'm quite confident in my ability to power thru this wonderful journey that the Marine Corps takes us on. I'm a bada** chick, but I figure I might as well take advantage of my free "have some sort of breakdown or cry fest" card that every military significant other is entitled too at some point if not for the majority of various deployments.
On a good note for today, a Marine buddy who's getting restationed at Pendleton is more then likely moving into our Apartment complex. This is fantastic because I am so overly paranoid w/ severe anxiety of being robbed or something. Really to see inside my head when I'm having these episodes....it's crazy. I will have to save that topic for another blog! Please look for it cause it's sure to be comical. So at least now I know that I may have someone a building away to come scare away the monsters!!! For Madelynn of course!
All right well... off to the nail place for my relaxing pedicure w/ my sobby emotional book. I'm sure it will only give me more to add here later!!! =)
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