Well... as the title says, I am in it up to my Neck. This fantastic journey is well on it's way and it's nothing like I thought it was going to be. Go Figure! It's been a rocky beginning, but I'm optomistic that we've made a turn for the better this last week.
I got to present a segment at LINKS this past week on Seperation and Deployment, and I have to say it opened my eyes to what I wreck I really am on the inside. A fun wreck but still a wreck. I know, I know your all sitting there saying "no way" or "dang, you make it look good." Well thank you! I try! Lets start with a few examples of my new found craziness....
I am forgetting everything.
As my good friend Jenn will tell you, I forgot her. At a playdate a few weeks back I commented to her that it felt like forever since I'd really seen her (meaning, not in just passing, but actually sat and talked) I suggested that maybe it hadn't been since the beginning of August (thats 2 months from the time of the conversation). She looked at me like I had lost my mind. She reminded me that we had just had a girls night out that past saturday (3 days before). Not only that, but it was a 6 HOUR dinner. To top it off, I had actually just told Shawn about the girl's night out on the phone the day before, so that makes it even worse that I had forgotten. We happened to see each other 4 out of the next 5 days, and she made a point of reminding me that I had seen her so as not to forget. It really is unbelieveable that I forgot such an unforgettable person! ** But I did remember her birthday this week, so I'm getting better**
I forgot Madelynn ~
Now there have definitely been more outrageous stories of forgetting a child in my family... The big one being my parents forgetting my middle sister at our family Restaurant... due to a lack of communication she was left spinning in the office chair clueless that the rest of us were back home already. Or there's always my parents losing me at Wrigley field! I think that's my favorite...
Anywho...yes I forgot Madelynn. I have a sitter in my complex that watches Madelynn when I go to class. I can go to the left up the hill to my apartment, or I can go straight to the back of the complex and pick her up from the sitter. Needless to say on this particular Wednesday... I went to the left up the hill. I parked in my spot, as I went to get out of the car I realized I didn't have a munchkin to pull out of the back seat. OOoops!
I am late for everything....
If having a munchkin has taught me anything, it is that I have to leave much much earlier then I used to be able too. Those of you who have known me for some time now may find it hard to believe that I am actually on time for stuff, but I swear, I have gotten so much better at being organized and ontime if not early. Except for the last few weeks.... Yeah I want to say that for the last two weeks I have been late to everything with the exception of my history class 2x a week. LINKS sessions, and meetings, daycare drop off, and craft circles. And it's really starting to bug me...
And then there's the mysterious gas, just magically appearing in my tank tonight. Yep, I stopped because I thought I had less gas then I actually did (which doesn't make sense in itself). Anywho, I looked, saw I had slightly more then a half tank and said pshh I'll just wait to fill up on Sunday. I did however want to clean out the car so turned it off, got out and cleaned out the garbage. Got back in the car, turned it on ....and KAZZAMM! I magically now had 3/4's of a tank of gas. A full 1/4 tank more then before. Now I've seen it before where you turn your car back on and you have a lil more gas then before just due to your car sitting still, making it easier to get a true measure on the amount of gas left.... but a whole quarter of a tank?!?!?!? I've reached delirium. LOL
So it took a LINKS session (back in May) to start me on the first stage of the cycle of emotions (anticipation of loss), and it took a LINKS session w/ me in a Halloween Costume of Emotional Disorganization to realize that I didn't miraculously skip over the Emotional Disorganization section of the cycle of emotions! Whooohoooo!!! I had given myself 6 weeks to wallow, sulk, or have pity parties. I want to claim a "rain check" on the last 4 weeks of my denial, and add them on to the two I still have left! LOL. I also thought that maybe being surrounded by two Oranges (Shawn and Madelynn) is rubbing off on me and taking away some of my Green!
All I can say is that I am glad that I can find humor in it all and have fun laughing at myself. And that I have some amazing girlfriends that enjoy laughing at me as much as I do, and that share their own personal crazy stories to help us laugh even more! This journey will be a heck of a lot better with a positive mindset, and as much humor as possible.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Confusing Statuses~OPSEC
So I wanted to post a blog about Operational Security (OPSEC) for several reasons.
I recently took a trip home to Chicago/Indiana. Being w/ my family and friends, there were comments about Facebook statuses that I had posted in the past, and that they aren't always easily understood. In those instances its a matter of OPSEC. I am a part of the military family, which isn't very common to my family and social circle back home. If there is something in my status that an individual doesn't understand, then it's not meant for them to know. The ones close to me and those in my military family that I depend on for support thru tough times know what it means and thats enough. I don't think I need to "cater" my status messages to the masses. I am honest and put what I feel, what I think. I try to be an open and honest person in my life, and that even goes to the "oh so important" Facebook status. I guess I've never really paid attention to how important someone's facebook status is to some people.
So in helping people to understand why my status is sometime not in the english language, but rather use military lingo... here are the rules the military world follows to keep us (military members, dependents, and the mission) safe.
1. Do not post exact deployment dates, or redeployment dates
2. Do not reveal camp locations, including nearby cities ( After the deployment is officially announced by military officials you may discuss locations that have been released, normally on the Country level)
3. Do not discuss convoy routes
4. Do not discuss detailed information on the mission, capabilities or moral of the unit
5. Do not discuss specific names or actual nicknames
6. Do not discuss personnel transactions that occur in large numbers (pay, wills, POA)
7. Do not discuss details concerning security procedures, response times, tactics
8. Do not discuss equipment, or lack thereof, to include training equipment
9. Don't speculate about future operations
10. If posting pictures, do not post anything that can be misconstrued or used for propaganda purposes. (A good rule of thumb is to look at your picture w/o the caption or explanation and see if it can be recaptioned to reflect poorly on coalition forces. For example, your picture shows your soilder rescuing a child from a blast site, but could be recaptioned to insinuate the child being captured or harmed. It's happened)
11. Avoid the use of count-down or count-up tickers for the same reason as rule #1
12. Be careful if posting pictures of loved ones. Avoid images that show significant landmarks near the base of operations, and black out last name and unit affiliations
13. Do not, ever, post information on casualties (coalition or enemy) before the official release of the information
14. Do not pass on rumors (I heard they were coming home early, etc)
I recently took a trip home to Chicago/Indiana. Being w/ my family and friends, there were comments about Facebook statuses that I had posted in the past, and that they aren't always easily understood. In those instances its a matter of OPSEC. I am a part of the military family, which isn't very common to my family and social circle back home. If there is something in my status that an individual doesn't understand, then it's not meant for them to know. The ones close to me and those in my military family that I depend on for support thru tough times know what it means and thats enough. I don't think I need to "cater" my status messages to the masses. I am honest and put what I feel, what I think. I try to be an open and honest person in my life, and that even goes to the "oh so important" Facebook status. I guess I've never really paid attention to how important someone's facebook status is to some people.
So in helping people to understand why my status is sometime not in the english language, but rather use military lingo... here are the rules the military world follows to keep us (military members, dependents, and the mission) safe.
1. Do not post exact deployment dates, or redeployment dates
2. Do not reveal camp locations, including nearby cities ( After the deployment is officially announced by military officials you may discuss locations that have been released, normally on the Country level)
3. Do not discuss convoy routes
4. Do not discuss detailed information on the mission, capabilities or moral of the unit
5. Do not discuss specific names or actual nicknames
6. Do not discuss personnel transactions that occur in large numbers (pay, wills, POA)
7. Do not discuss details concerning security procedures, response times, tactics
8. Do not discuss equipment, or lack thereof, to include training equipment
9. Don't speculate about future operations
10. If posting pictures, do not post anything that can be misconstrued or used for propaganda purposes. (A good rule of thumb is to look at your picture w/o the caption or explanation and see if it can be recaptioned to reflect poorly on coalition forces. For example, your picture shows your soilder rescuing a child from a blast site, but could be recaptioned to insinuate the child being captured or harmed. It's happened)
11. Avoid the use of count-down or count-up tickers for the same reason as rule #1
12. Be careful if posting pictures of loved ones. Avoid images that show significant landmarks near the base of operations, and black out last name and unit affiliations
13. Do not, ever, post information on casualties (coalition or enemy) before the official release of the information
14. Do not pass on rumors (I heard they were coming home early, etc)
Thursday, June 17, 2010
My Personal Opinions
So a few days ago I was reading an article on the issue of Gay Marriage, and what was going on w/ a court case out here in California. I was thinking about posting a blog about my opinions on the matter, and decided against it. Yesterday I was disgusted when I read an article about a 14 year old wanted by the cops for stabbing his 13 year old girlfriend. I thought that was bad enough until it also stated that the "couple" has a 1.5 year old daughter together. That makes her prego at 11!!!!! So today while painting my new entertainment stand, I was thinking the two topics over in my head and decided, I'm going to post a blog about both. Here it goes, and please remember this is just my opinion.
Gay Marriage doesn't really concern me, and I think more people should really mind their own business about it. The current arguement is that gays aren't recieving their full american right because they can not choose to get married. Others say that it is a moral issue, they are concerned for the children, etc etc, WAKE UP PEOPLE.... I think this is really the least of our worries as a society. You want to say that gay marriage is going to affect the moral make up of society...umm You have 11 year olds getting PREGNANT right now ...I think morals have already gone out the window. You say that its going to affect children.... really? straight people, married or not married already are f**king up our children. Where were the parents of these two teenagers that they could have sex at age 11? or that he could stab her in your own home?
This is my biggest one... how about SEPERATION of CHURCH and STATE. I want to hear one arguement on why gay marriage should not be legalized w/o anyone using any religious or moral reasoning; because would there be anything such as morals w/ out the existence of religion? If your "religion" doesn't allow gay marriage...then thats ur religions beliefs and they aren't trying to get married in your church. But your religion shouldn't be able to dictate what goes on down at the court house. That would be like a county D.A. coming and saying oh you can't be baptized, I don't think that would fly.
As for Gay Marriage/couples and children... I say go for it. I think it's great, for multiple reasons A) they are choosing to have a child, and going thru a much tougher process then just sex to achieve that goal. I think that makes it more likely for them to be good parents then the couple that got drunk, or just didn't use protection, and now are "staying together for the child". Trust me on this one, that one probably isn't going to work out too well.
B) more people in today's world need to be taught to respect others, no matter what the differences and to accept that everyone is different. I think a child raised by a same sex couple will learn those lessons everyday and be a better person for it, a more understanding, compassionate person.
C) There are so many children out there that need to find a good family to take them in, love them, and raise them. Why are you now witholding that opportunity from a deserving child just because the parents would be two people of the same sex? I don't find that to be very moral.
Now this 13 and 14 year old situation got me thinking. It is illegal for someone over the age of 18 to have sex w/ someone under the age of 16; and similarly 21 to 18. Why not just make it illegal to have sex until your 18???!???
You can't drive a car until your 16; you aren't a legal adult until the age of 18, why are you allowed to have babies under the age of 18?
Some are going to argue that there is no way to enforce that law. Well how do they enforce the laws regarding sex w/ a minor?
I think that those CHILDREN should have been required to give that baby up for adoption. And I think that the PARENTS of those CHILDREN should have been punished, and had their kids taken from them, and hopefully given to someone that can teach them not to have sex at 10 and 11 years old.
I blame society and the government on this one, along of course w/ the parents; and it all leads back to money. Everyone wants to make money, be rich, blah blah blah. And because of it, education is suffering, schools and teaching stinks. Teachers are losing jobs left and right. You cannot take away the education of children and expect our world to go anywhere in the future. I think education and learning should be where the majority of the money in this country is going. I don't think gov't officials should make six figures. As a gov't official you should be working for the people, with the people, not living a lavish lifestyle at our expense.
I had to do a project in fourth grade, stating what I would do if I was President of the United States. Of course at that age I gave everyone candy, and extended kids' bedtimes. Now, I would put a salary cap on all gov't workers so no one would make more then 100k a year, including the President. We would not be paying Presidents for the rest of their lives, or providing them w/ bodyguards. If you have to worry about assassination after leaving office, then you probably sucked as President. Welfare would be revised and become a limited time deal. Abortion would be illegal except in cases of rape, and medical emergency. Education, Education, Education!!! not to be corny but the children are our future and right now it's looking bleak from where I'm standing. Military wise, I'm not trying to be everyone's mom, other countries need to stand up for themselves. Or if we are going to be the big bad bully that keeps everyone in line, then you better start giving us lunch money cause it's not cheap and our protection isn't free. I'm tired of being in everyone else's business and trying to help out everyone else. There are enough issues going on in our own country that we need to take care of before we go helping everyone else. This needs to be a working man's world, not a rich man's world.
ok... well I think that's it for now... please feel free to comment and post your opinions. I always like a good MATURE discussion.
Gay Marriage doesn't really concern me, and I think more people should really mind their own business about it. The current arguement is that gays aren't recieving their full american right because they can not choose to get married. Others say that it is a moral issue, they are concerned for the children, etc etc, WAKE UP PEOPLE.... I think this is really the least of our worries as a society. You want to say that gay marriage is going to affect the moral make up of society...umm You have 11 year olds getting PREGNANT right now ...I think morals have already gone out the window. You say that its going to affect children.... really? straight people, married or not married already are f**king up our children. Where were the parents of these two teenagers that they could have sex at age 11? or that he could stab her in your own home?
This is my biggest one... how about SEPERATION of CHURCH and STATE. I want to hear one arguement on why gay marriage should not be legalized w/o anyone using any religious or moral reasoning; because would there be anything such as morals w/ out the existence of religion? If your "religion" doesn't allow gay marriage...then thats ur religions beliefs and they aren't trying to get married in your church. But your religion shouldn't be able to dictate what goes on down at the court house. That would be like a county D.A. coming and saying oh you can't be baptized, I don't think that would fly.
As for Gay Marriage/couples and children... I say go for it. I think it's great, for multiple reasons A) they are choosing to have a child, and going thru a much tougher process then just sex to achieve that goal. I think that makes it more likely for them to be good parents then the couple that got drunk, or just didn't use protection, and now are "staying together for the child". Trust me on this one, that one probably isn't going to work out too well.
B) more people in today's world need to be taught to respect others, no matter what the differences and to accept that everyone is different. I think a child raised by a same sex couple will learn those lessons everyday and be a better person for it, a more understanding, compassionate person.
C) There are so many children out there that need to find a good family to take them in, love them, and raise them. Why are you now witholding that opportunity from a deserving child just because the parents would be two people of the same sex? I don't find that to be very moral.
Now this 13 and 14 year old situation got me thinking. It is illegal for someone over the age of 18 to have sex w/ someone under the age of 16; and similarly 21 to 18. Why not just make it illegal to have sex until your 18???!???
You can't drive a car until your 16; you aren't a legal adult until the age of 18, why are you allowed to have babies under the age of 18?
Some are going to argue that there is no way to enforce that law. Well how do they enforce the laws regarding sex w/ a minor?
I think that those CHILDREN should have been required to give that baby up for adoption. And I think that the PARENTS of those CHILDREN should have been punished, and had their kids taken from them, and hopefully given to someone that can teach them not to have sex at 10 and 11 years old.
I blame society and the government on this one, along of course w/ the parents; and it all leads back to money. Everyone wants to make money, be rich, blah blah blah. And because of it, education is suffering, schools and teaching stinks. Teachers are losing jobs left and right. You cannot take away the education of children and expect our world to go anywhere in the future. I think education and learning should be where the majority of the money in this country is going. I don't think gov't officials should make six figures. As a gov't official you should be working for the people, with the people, not living a lavish lifestyle at our expense.
I had to do a project in fourth grade, stating what I would do if I was President of the United States. Of course at that age I gave everyone candy, and extended kids' bedtimes. Now, I would put a salary cap on all gov't workers so no one would make more then 100k a year, including the President. We would not be paying Presidents for the rest of their lives, or providing them w/ bodyguards. If you have to worry about assassination after leaving office, then you probably sucked as President. Welfare would be revised and become a limited time deal. Abortion would be illegal except in cases of rape, and medical emergency. Education, Education, Education!!! not to be corny but the children are our future and right now it's looking bleak from where I'm standing. Military wise, I'm not trying to be everyone's mom, other countries need to stand up for themselves. Or if we are going to be the big bad bully that keeps everyone in line, then you better start giving us lunch money cause it's not cheap and our protection isn't free. I'm tired of being in everyone else's business and trying to help out everyone else. There are enough issues going on in our own country that we need to take care of before we go helping everyone else. This needs to be a working man's world, not a rich man's world.
ok... well I think that's it for now... please feel free to comment and post your opinions. I always like a good MATURE discussion.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Baby # 2???!!??
So I'm in a tough spot. Should I have another baby right now? Shawn and I really want another. My heart is saying yes, my head is telling me no. I am as always overly analytical. There are a lot of reasons to not have one right now. Money, school, jobs, the economy etc etc. But whatever is meant to be will be right? If I am meant to have another baby right now, as Shawn gets ready to deploy then it will happen. Should I stop preventing things? and just leave it in God's hands to decide if I should become pregers or not???? My biggest concern is to let my head overrule my heart and have something happen. If something, God forbid, happened to Shawn, and I gave up the chance to have his child, I don't know how I would forgive myself.
What would you do if you were in my situation????
What would you do if you were in my situation????
Thursday, June 10, 2010
MY MAN
So this post may be a tad long...but the topic is so worth it! I've basically been doing a lot of reflecting on my life, and in efforts to remain positive and moving forward, have been focusing on all the great things I have in my life. The main one, other then Madelynn, being Shawn! This is also a result of starting to process our upcoming Deployment. I do want to discuss my emotions for this big event, and what it means to me, but I am going to save that for another blog.
Growing up I've had various examples of good and bad relationships. I've created my own opinion on what makes a good significant other and a lasting relationship by combining bits and pieces of things I've seen, experienced growing up, and have learned by being proactive in doing retreats, reading books, and examing myself for who I truly am, what I need and what I have to offer. I think the strongest lessons to come w/ me from my childhood is that a great man will cherish you, respect you and treat you like a WOMAN. To look for someone w/ good morals, and that was raised to be a gentleman. However my favorite advice of all is " The best thing a Father can do for his children, is love their mother". That all being said... onto the real reason I am writing this.
I'm going to be honest and call myself out on this, it is so much easier for me to pick out and voice my annoyances or dislikes. I am determined to stop this, we have really been working lately on using good communication and forming good habits for expressing ourselves thanks to a wonderful couples retreat we recently attended. This is my motivation for writing this. I don't know if I can actually express enough how grateful I am for Shawn and everthing he does, but I want to attempt to do so right now.
Without knowing it, without looking for it, I found the guy that I was told about growing up, and had been starting to think didn't exist. We are so opposite sometimes it's frustrating, but in truth it's the only way it could work. I never pump gas or carry anything when he is with me(unless I'm in my stubborn, I am woman hear me roar mode). I cook dinner, he does the dishes automatically. If I am working around the house, he's in my ear asking me over and over what he can do to help until I give him something to do to get him out of my hair! =)~ He loves being toasty warm when sleeping, but sleeps w/ the windows open cause I hate being hot. He understands that I am OCD, that I need to be in control of certain aspects of my life, and ours together, and just says Ok, whatever makes you happy. He respects me enough to want my opinion in his career decisions. He supports me in any decision I make and wants me to do whatever makes me happy. He is everything I want, and didn't know I needed in my life.
Shawn's selflessness, committment to our relationship, acceptance of all my good and bad qualities, unconditional love for Madelynn and I, and his positivity when facing any obstacle we may be presented with, ASTOUNDS me. I am so blessed to have such a man, and can only hope to be deserving of him and an equally great partner for him. I told him recently that I don't think I tell him enough how much he means to me, and how much I appreciate him. So I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops and put it into words for all to see.
So here's to SHAWN! for everything he does and the man he is for me. For making me part of that great group of women who have found an AMAZING MAN that loves and cherishes them. I love you, you are imprinted into my life and heart forever. You are my other half, you have filled that hole that's been in my life/heart and now, without you I'd be lost. MUAH!
Growing up I've had various examples of good and bad relationships. I've created my own opinion on what makes a good significant other and a lasting relationship by combining bits and pieces of things I've seen, experienced growing up, and have learned by being proactive in doing retreats, reading books, and examing myself for who I truly am, what I need and what I have to offer. I think the strongest lessons to come w/ me from my childhood is that a great man will cherish you, respect you and treat you like a WOMAN. To look for someone w/ good morals, and that was raised to be a gentleman. However my favorite advice of all is " The best thing a Father can do for his children, is love their mother". That all being said... onto the real reason I am writing this.
I'm going to be honest and call myself out on this, it is so much easier for me to pick out and voice my annoyances or dislikes. I am determined to stop this, we have really been working lately on using good communication and forming good habits for expressing ourselves thanks to a wonderful couples retreat we recently attended. This is my motivation for writing this. I don't know if I can actually express enough how grateful I am for Shawn and everthing he does, but I want to attempt to do so right now.
Without knowing it, without looking for it, I found the guy that I was told about growing up, and had been starting to think didn't exist. We are so opposite sometimes it's frustrating, but in truth it's the only way it could work. I never pump gas or carry anything when he is with me(unless I'm in my stubborn, I am woman hear me roar mode). I cook dinner, he does the dishes automatically. If I am working around the house, he's in my ear asking me over and over what he can do to help until I give him something to do to get him out of my hair! =)~ He loves being toasty warm when sleeping, but sleeps w/ the windows open cause I hate being hot. He understands that I am OCD, that I need to be in control of certain aspects of my life, and ours together, and just says Ok, whatever makes you happy. He respects me enough to want my opinion in his career decisions. He supports me in any decision I make and wants me to do whatever makes me happy. He is everything I want, and didn't know I needed in my life.
Shawn's selflessness, committment to our relationship, acceptance of all my good and bad qualities, unconditional love for Madelynn and I, and his positivity when facing any obstacle we may be presented with, ASTOUNDS me. I am so blessed to have such a man, and can only hope to be deserving of him and an equally great partner for him. I told him recently that I don't think I tell him enough how much he means to me, and how much I appreciate him. So I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops and put it into words for all to see.
So here's to SHAWN! for everything he does and the man he is for me. For making me part of that great group of women who have found an AMAZING MAN that loves and cherishes them. I love you, you are imprinted into my life and heart forever. You are my other half, you have filled that hole that's been in my life/heart and now, without you I'd be lost. MUAH!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Starting MY Deployment "Workups"
And so it has begun, I've started the deployment cycle of emotions (if you don't know what that is please contact me for the next LINKS session! haha). I have countdown's on my computer desktop, which is really kind of sadistic if you think about it. Here's something thats coming that I want to keep pushing back but I'm counting down the days, why do I torture myself?
Today we spent the morning at the indoor play place called playwerks in Carlsbad. Shawn invited his buddy to go w/ to chase Madelynn thru the tunnels, fantastic for me cause that means I can sit on the couches, not get sweaty and take cute pictures whenever the opportunity presents itself. But now we are home, and they are playing Mario Cart...whooohoo!! Did he not see my facebook status saying we only have 10 weekends together? For gosh sakes, Madelynn is napping right now, we could be doing so many better things then playing Mario Kart... like... giving me a back massage! since I will soon be deprived of them (please note that most of this is my sarcastic funny side, and I'm not really all that upset that his friend is here, or that he's not slaving away over my poor achy back muscles! =))
So now I've decided that I'm going to go get a pedicure since he is otherwise occupied, then I will use them as babysitters and have some peace and quiet while being pampered (yet I still sit here typing this blog). Except I am going to go ahead and continue to punish myself because after going on the Barnes n Nobles website, and looking up some great books about being involved w/ a military man and going thru a deployment, I am going to take my book "while he's away" that I can't get thru chapter 2 of w/o crying w/ me to get my pedicure.
This is my sick and twisted way of torturing myself and facing reality. Toughening me up you can say for when it actually happens. And see this all backfires cause then I act all tough when I say goodbye to him, watch him walk away while staying strong, just so I can sob into my steering wheel and wonder if I remembered to tell him I loved him before he left. (or at least thats what I did when he left for a MONTH for Korea.... what a wuss)
This is not my first deployment, I'm not a boot, to use one of Shawn's favorite words! haha. But it is my first one w/ a child, which I don't know why that should matter, cause I did the first eight months on my own, so now I'm thinking I'm just super super spoiled cause I've had help for the last year and I don't wanna go back to being a single parent!!!!!!! Ok really...I'm quite confident in my ability to power thru this wonderful journey that the Marine Corps takes us on. I'm a bada** chick, but I figure I might as well take advantage of my free "have some sort of breakdown or cry fest" card that every military significant other is entitled too at some point if not for the majority of various deployments.
On a good note for today, a Marine buddy who's getting restationed at Pendleton is more then likely moving into our Apartment complex. This is fantastic because I am so overly paranoid w/ severe anxiety of being robbed or something. Really to see inside my head when I'm having these episodes....it's crazy. I will have to save that topic for another blog! Please look for it cause it's sure to be comical. So at least now I know that I may have someone a building away to come scare away the monsters!!! For Madelynn of course!
All right well... off to the nail place for my relaxing pedicure w/ my sobby emotional book. I'm sure it will only give me more to add here later!!! =)
Today we spent the morning at the indoor play place called playwerks in Carlsbad. Shawn invited his buddy to go w/ to chase Madelynn thru the tunnels, fantastic for me cause that means I can sit on the couches, not get sweaty and take cute pictures whenever the opportunity presents itself. But now we are home, and they are playing Mario Cart...whooohoo!! Did he not see my facebook status saying we only have 10 weekends together? For gosh sakes, Madelynn is napping right now, we could be doing so many better things then playing Mario Kart... like... giving me a back massage! since I will soon be deprived of them (please note that most of this is my sarcastic funny side, and I'm not really all that upset that his friend is here, or that he's not slaving away over my poor achy back muscles! =))
So now I've decided that I'm going to go get a pedicure since he is otherwise occupied, then I will use them as babysitters and have some peace and quiet while being pampered (yet I still sit here typing this blog). Except I am going to go ahead and continue to punish myself because after going on the Barnes n Nobles website, and looking up some great books about being involved w/ a military man and going thru a deployment, I am going to take my book "while he's away" that I can't get thru chapter 2 of w/o crying w/ me to get my pedicure.
This is my sick and twisted way of torturing myself and facing reality. Toughening me up you can say for when it actually happens. And see this all backfires cause then I act all tough when I say goodbye to him, watch him walk away while staying strong, just so I can sob into my steering wheel and wonder if I remembered to tell him I loved him before he left. (or at least thats what I did when he left for a MONTH for Korea.... what a wuss)
This is not my first deployment, I'm not a boot, to use one of Shawn's favorite words! haha. But it is my first one w/ a child, which I don't know why that should matter, cause I did the first eight months on my own, so now I'm thinking I'm just super super spoiled cause I've had help for the last year and I don't wanna go back to being a single parent!!!!!!! Ok really...I'm quite confident in my ability to power thru this wonderful journey that the Marine Corps takes us on. I'm a bada** chick, but I figure I might as well take advantage of my free "have some sort of breakdown or cry fest" card that every military significant other is entitled too at some point if not for the majority of various deployments.
On a good note for today, a Marine buddy who's getting restationed at Pendleton is more then likely moving into our Apartment complex. This is fantastic because I am so overly paranoid w/ severe anxiety of being robbed or something. Really to see inside my head when I'm having these episodes....it's crazy. I will have to save that topic for another blog! Please look for it cause it's sure to be comical. So at least now I know that I may have someone a building away to come scare away the monsters!!! For Madelynn of course!
All right well... off to the nail place for my relaxing pedicure w/ my sobby emotional book. I'm sure it will only give me more to add here later!!! =)
My First Blog
So first and foremost I feel that I must thank my new found KOOKY friend for giving me the idea to start a blog, I have left her nameless for her safety just in case a few of you end up wishing I was never given the idea to do this! =)~
I must also warn that, in case you don't know me very well, I am extremely opinionated. I feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that certian places, i.e Facebook status's are not the place to express some of them. So I have decided that I am going to express myself here, and you then have the option to read or not read it.
I would like to explain the name of my blog. In college, my freshman year at Indiana State University, I had the priviledge of living in "the Burf" or Burford hall. I lived on an all girl floor, and over the course of the year created what was called "Story time w/ Tracy" w a few girls down the hall. Story time w/ Tracy usually took place once or twice a week, depending on what was happening w/ me at the time, and how much free time we had to spare. We would set up a stool in the middle of Jordan and Meghan's dorm room where I could sit and talk for usually hours about the crazy going ons in my life for that week. It's one of my favorite memories for me, and I have to admit I am quite a story teller. So I've decided to re-create Story time w/ Tracy and hopefully it will end up as amusing and fun now as it was back then.
Well...here we go!
I must also warn that, in case you don't know me very well, I am extremely opinionated. I feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that certian places, i.e Facebook status's are not the place to express some of them. So I have decided that I am going to express myself here, and you then have the option to read or not read it.
I would like to explain the name of my blog. In college, my freshman year at Indiana State University, I had the priviledge of living in "the Burf" or Burford hall. I lived on an all girl floor, and over the course of the year created what was called "Story time w/ Tracy" w a few girls down the hall. Story time w/ Tracy usually took place once or twice a week, depending on what was happening w/ me at the time, and how much free time we had to spare. We would set up a stool in the middle of Jordan and Meghan's dorm room where I could sit and talk for usually hours about the crazy going ons in my life for that week. It's one of my favorite memories for me, and I have to admit I am quite a story teller. So I've decided to re-create Story time w/ Tracy and hopefully it will end up as amusing and fun now as it was back then.
Well...here we go!
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