In it up to my Neck...

Well... as the title says, I am in it up to my Neck. This fantastic journey is well on it's way and it's nothing like I thought it was going to be. Go Figure! It's been a rocky beginning, but I'm optomistic that we've made a turn for the better this last week.

I got to present a segment at LINKS this past week on Seperation and Deployment, and I have to say it opened my eyes to what I wreck I really am on the inside. A fun wreck but still a wreck. I know, I know your all sitting there saying "no way" or "dang, you make it look good." Well thank you! I try! Lets start with a few examples of my new found craziness....

I am forgetting everything.

As my good friend Jenn will tell you, I forgot her. At a playdate a few weeks back I commented to her that it felt like forever since I'd really seen her (meaning, not in just passing, but actually sat and talked) I suggested that maybe it hadn't been since the beginning of August (thats 2 months from the time of the conversation). She looked at me like I had lost my mind. She reminded me that we had just had a girls night out that past saturday (3 days before). Not only that, but it was a 6 HOUR dinner. To top it off, I had actually just told Shawn about the girl's night out on the phone the day before, so that makes it even worse that I had forgotten. We happened to see each other 4 out of the next 5 days, and she made a point of reminding me that I had seen her so as not to forget. It really is unbelieveable that I forgot such an unforgettable person! ** But I did remember her birthday this week, so I'm getting better**

I forgot Madelynn ~
Now there have definitely been more outrageous stories of forgetting a child in my family... The big one being my parents forgetting my middle sister at our family Restaurant... due to a lack of communication she was left spinning in the office chair clueless that the rest of us were back home already. Or there's always my parents losing me at Wrigley field! I think that's my favorite...
Anywho...yes I forgot Madelynn. I have a sitter in my complex that watches Madelynn when I go to class. I can go to the left up the hill to my apartment, or I can go straight to the back of the complex and pick her up from the sitter. Needless to say on this particular Wednesday... I went to the left up the hill. I parked in my spot, as I went to get out of the car I realized I didn't have a munchkin to pull out of the back seat. OOoops!

I am late for everything....
If having a munchkin has taught me anything, it is that I have to leave much much earlier then I used to be able too. Those of you who have known me for some time now may find it hard to believe that I am actually on time for stuff, but I swear, I have gotten so much better at being organized and ontime if not early. Except for the last few weeks.... Yeah I want to say that for the last two weeks I have been late to everything with the exception of my history class 2x a week. LINKS sessions, and meetings, daycare drop off, and craft circles. And it's really starting to bug me...

And then there's the mysterious gas, just magically appearing in my tank tonight. Yep, I stopped because I thought I had less gas then I actually did (which doesn't make sense in itself). Anywho, I looked, saw I had slightly more then a half tank and said pshh I'll just wait to fill up on Sunday. I did however want to clean out the car so turned it off, got out and cleaned out the garbage. Got back in the car, turned it on ....and KAZZAMM! I magically now had 3/4's of a tank of gas. A full 1/4 tank more then before. Now I've seen it before where you turn your car back on and you have a lil more gas then before just due to your car sitting still, making it easier to get a true measure on the amount of gas left.... but a whole quarter of a tank?!?!?!? I've reached delirium. LOL


So it took a LINKS session (back in May) to start me on the first stage of the cycle of emotions (anticipation of loss), and it took a LINKS session w/ me in a Halloween Costume of Emotional Disorganization to realize that I didn't miraculously skip over the Emotional Disorganization section of the cycle of emotions! Whooohoooo!!! I had given myself 6 weeks to wallow, sulk, or have pity parties. I want to claim a "rain check" on the last 4 weeks of my denial, and add them on to the two I still have left! LOL. I also thought that maybe being surrounded by two Oranges (Shawn and Madelynn) is rubbing off on me and taking away some of my Green!

All I can say is that I am glad that I can find humor in it all and have fun laughing at myself. And that I have some amazing girlfriends that enjoy laughing at me as much as I do, and that share their own personal crazy stories to help us laugh even more! This journey will be a heck of a lot better with a positive mindset, and as much humor as possible.